Some Girls They Like Fried Green Tomatoes

Really? Fifteen years ago Kings' food was good. Not great, but good. Five years ago, it was kind of mediocre. These days it roils my stomach, and it all has the same aftertaste, which tastes like failure. I have no idea why my grandfather likes the place so much.

But this?

This is a new low. Is Kings' marketing department just whatever second-grade class is nearest? Is this an April Fools' prank that got lost in the shuffle until now? Why, oh why, does the placard say "Money Back Guaranteed" at the bottom? What a terrible restaurant. 

I Felt The Pressure In A TV Way

I have what I consider to be a major quirk. I have this irritating craving to hear the ending of every story I run across on television. And I don't like it.

Eat your heart out, Ned's Atomic Dustbin. 

Here's why: most of what I bumble into, on the sliding scale of depressing to clever, tends to sit on the depressing side (e.g. Law & Order SVU, the various CSIs, Blue Bloods and NCIS are interesting but occasionally go there) and I just can't take much of that without it affecting me. It's really best if I avoid it altogether. It's like vodka in a plastic bottle. You know there's nothing good there, it's not going to leave you feeling any better; but, y'know, it sure is an EXPERIENCE. Yeah. (Spoiler Alert: it's not gluten free either.)

Somehow I've noticed that television is a bigger culprit than movies. Something about the neat one-hour format is both somewhat predictable and simply too neat and tidy for me. Movies (if not edited for time, content and formatted to fit your TV) tend to leave such things more flexible. It might be due to this fact that the scraps of the Jason Bourne movies I've seen seem comparatively more interesting despite only seeing bits on WGN here and there. With a TV show, I can tell if Grissom or Gibbs or 21st-Century-Holmes-And-Watson-Played-By-The-Always-Attractive-Lucy-Liu really have the suspect cornered by looking at the clock. Movie? Fuck me, I lose track of time when I don't have commercials at regular intervals. And that's a good thing.

I wonder if the fact that there's more freedom to choose precisely what you want to watch when selecting a movie over plopping down for a TV episode that's effectively been selected for you makes any difference in how I feel about it. (I mean, for years we've all been told - yes, you too - abut what junk TV beams into our homes, and I tend to agree in general. The cadmium age of reality television pretty much codified that for me.) And that's actually another thing: I get tired of murder for after dinner every night. Murder in a movie doesn't bother me near so much. A good murder mystery movie - like one of my personal favorites, the 1974 Murder On The Orient Express - is a complete experience, something to set aside a serious chunk of time to enjoy, experience, and savor. What use is a meal without SOMETHING to chew on? There's always a loose thread, something that just gnaws at you. And sometimes that thread turns out to be a descending whip - a plot twist that breaks everything you thought you knew to be reliable and solid. Hitchcock knew. Every movie of his has something to make you want to see the next scene. Commercial breaks utterly spoil the flow of a theatrical movie; TV shows are made with them in mind. They are in effect pre-spoiled for your convenience (I love this turn of phrase. Sorry if I overuse it in real life).* I've always felt that having to work around commercials somehow makes the work compromised; kills the flow, forces shortcuts, makes it easy to slouch into routines defined by those very breaks and just become the dreaded phone-in that everyone loses interest in.

I think another thing that contributes is the need for closure. Since the beginning of time, humans have yearned to have their questions answered. How many people went off to war, or to find work, or whatever, and simply disappeared from the lives of their families, never to return? Not even with the grim uncertainty of being recorded as missing in action? No grave, not so much as a sliver of evidence they were there besides fallible memory? Sure, that may not have been the same relationship as it is today; but even so, any emotional connection would lead one to wonder just what happened. If a TV show can get just one hook into your reserve of emotional interest, of course it's going to drive you to find out. If a writer and an actor and a production team can distill an emotional connection with a face on a TV screen to a strength addictive enough that just ten seconds of NTSB-delivered presence can drag you in front of the screen by the feels and keep you there; there's obviously something inside you that's been prepared, over the course of human history, to respond, to follow along. It's a part of you, if you're not a sociopath (y'know, like the villains-of-the-weeks on Criminal Minds, especially).

Another thing is that with SO MUCH screen time devoted to finding the murderer within an hour(ish); you know, you just know that somewhere along the line, plots are going to be reused. Maybe not by the same shows, or even on the same network, but eventually, some writer is going to stumble on a used idea. A good writer should be able to use it in a unique way, or at least put their own unique stamp on it; but some core element is going to turn out to be suspiciously similar to one previously aired. At least South Park once pointed out that The Simpsons already did it all. Which, ironically, was kind of original, actually.

I think if less time were devoted to murder and ugly street crime (something many of us tune in to fiction for an escape from [and not counting alleged 'reality' TV, either, which is pretty ugly too]) I'd be more inclined to tune in; I actually miss Letterman, Leno, and Ferguson, for one thing (who'd a'thunk?). Sitcoms don't usually do much for me; Britcoms are preferable, actually. Original and interesting stand-up comedy may have died with Mitch Hedberg, unfortunately. And British sketch comedy is far better than what passes for the American variety these days - even old British sketch comedy. Canadian isn't too shabby, though. At least even Lost managed to contain enough of an element of mystery to keep people talking about it. Game Of Thrones? The Shanarra series now on (really?) MTV? I'll just take the original novels, thanks.

I know I've written some bite-size diatribes against television before; but that was typically in offense against some specific piece of televised waste. Not this time. I'm finally declaring to the world that I am officially done with broadcast and cable television. I just can't fucking tolerate it anymore. Paul Graham recently wrote that anything you find yourself saying that life is too short to contain, you should fucking jettison (paraphrased).

TV, consider yourself by-and-large jettisoned from my life. It was already too short for you once I stopped watching Shining Time Station and Walker, Texas Ranger. Politely fuck off.

* I should clarify that my dislike of commercials is not part of some diatribe against consumerism; rather it's because I find them personally irritating. Imagine if your TV suddenly got zits one day. I'm certainly no anti-capitalist; I just exult in the fact that the Information Age makes it possible to seek out the products one wants with far more... interactive interaction. Or maybe with more agency on the part of the customer. Something like that.

But I Guess Until I Get MY Car Back This Will Do

Self-driving cars suck.

No, I mean it. I guess I'm officially some kind of luddite for this, but a future of Google-type self-driving cars sounds like the most sterile and soulless thing I've ever heard short of Communism. Either that, or it sounds like the revenge of the Parry People Mover. (Note to self: great movie idea right there.)

And yes, I can see some advantages to self-driving cars. People who need to get around, but have a disability that prevents them from operating a conventional vehicle, or an elderly person who may have to give up their license could benefit from such a technological advance. But you will never see me pop into one of these things. I object to the idea from beginning to end. 

For starters, just look at this thing. 

It looks terrible. It looks absolutely derpy. This is the Nerdmobile 9001, even more so than Rick Moranis' solar powered van from Honey, I Shrunk The Kids. Google has other prototypes based on the Toyota Prius, and Audi and Lexus vehicles as well, but I'm still not impressed. Principally because the goofy thing you see above is supposed to be the production model. The modified vehicles have, so far, been used as system testbeds, rather than representing any self-driving version of their manufacturer's product. Of course, one would wonder why Google hasn't decided to try modding a Tesla electric sports car, or dare to automate a '68 Dodge Charger. 

And this brings me to my more important point: there are some of us that just enjoy driving. The Telsa roadster and the '68 Dodge are fun to drive, to operate by hand, to actually control with two hands on the wheel. It's that feeling of control that is going to trip Google up, I think. Sure, there are some people who just view driving as a chore, and would probably be perfectly open to traveling by autonomous vehicle. Maybe they will, in fact, be a majority. But there will always be those of us who prefer to drive ourselves. 

Besides, it just might make it harder to take a trip without much of a plan. It certainly seems like the interface is all about plugging in your destination and away you go, end of story. I can't imagine going railfanning in one of these, where the idea is in fact to stop at places along the tracks to watch and take pictures. That's far easier to do manually. A Sunday drive with an impulsive stop at a yard sale or two? Can you just hit a big red button and stop the car? I have my doubts. Try taking a road trip - again, the destination is vague and the itinerary is flexible in the extreme - can the Googmobile handle that? What if Junior has to use the facilities on a longer trip? That's going to be a real problem in more ways than one. The freedom and control of the automobile as we know it even today is a plus, and I worry that autonomous cars will take a big chunk of that away. 

Maybe, though, we're safe for the time being. The Atlantic has a story that details the technology and its vast scope, pointing out that it's not yet possible to plop one of these cars down in, say, Pittsburgh, and have it start driving. And when they come to Pittsburgh, I want to watch one of these things try to tackle Penn Hills, or the South Side on a Friday night. Meanwhile, Slate takes a more pessimistic view; hell, their subtitle even says it 'may never actually happen'. 

I don't know about you, but I'm perfectly happy to sit behind the wheel for the next fifty years. I guess we'll see if they're still making actual cars then. 

From Wikipedia

Sure, why not. 

This Is My Life In The Crazy Robot Man Reservation

Something that I stumbled upon while browsing the Contemptible Cover article on TV Tropes. I was reading about Boris Vallejo doing art for FASA's Battletech sci-fi wargaming franchise's tie-in novels. And one link, mentioning how Vallejo's approach to the 'Battlemechs' of the series wasn't exactly detailed... or realistic... Well, the below cover caught my eye, but for no reason that involves Battletech whatsoever. 

The 'mech' on the left, I have no idea what the fuck it is. (Realism, Vallejo, realism!) But the 'mech' on the right... it's a dead ringer for the Glaug Officers' Battlepod of Robotech/Macross fame. What the fuck is a Macross mecha doing on the cover of a Battletech novel?

It's actually quite simple. When Battletech was being developed, the designers 'borrowed' giant robot and mecha designs from various anime series including Super Dimension Fortress Macross, which had not been licensed in America at the time. Speculation abounds (though I can find no hard reference) that there was a lawsuit brought or threatened by Harmony Gold, owners of the Robotech franchise (which included the original Macross series) which prompted FASA to abandon the 'borrowed' material. A later owner of the game property claimed that they had secured the rights to all of the so-called 'Unseen' mechs, except for the Macross properties. Harmony Gold put paid to that.

Climbing Up The Topsails, I Lost My Leg

This is why my favorite drinking holiday is Wednesday. Not this coming Wednesday, mind you, but Wednesdays in general. Mondays, too. Not many people out on those days. I don't have to worry about competing for a parking place or a spot at the bar, waiting long for post-drinks food, or squeezing through unruly, inebriated crowds while on my sober-up walk.

Of course, let the calendar plop a drinking holiday on a Tuesday and I'm sober for two weeks. Or would be, if I had thought this one through. I'm sitting at Dee's Cafe, listening to Rick Astley - of all people, Rick Fucking Astley* - and watching buzz-cut-headed bros sit on the covered pool tables in complete defiance of the notices placed by management. Amateur drunkards tend to clog the streets starting with the weekend before the holiday, and every night thereafter until the actual day after. That's what happened to me last Halloween - I decided to hit the bar on November 1st (unlike the previous Halloween, when I went down on the actual holiday, which was a clusterfuck in its own right) and was still greeted with dozens of goofballs in costume and having trouble holding their liquor.

Better yet, the ridiculous patronage means that the glassware Dee's is using has temporarily turned disposable and therefore contra-aesthetic, and I was hoping for a nice photo of my first drinks to head up a post I'm working on.

I consider myself one of those who approach their time hitting the bar with at least a little bit of reverence - ironically not unlike how the faithful among us seem to approach going to church on Sunday. I might even go so far as to say that going to the bar on a drinking holiday reminds me of my hometown church being bombarded with worshipers at Christmas and Easter services. I imagine that most Christians are glad to have so many willing to come worship (and simultaneously wondering how to persuade them to stick around the other 50 Sundays in the year); but for a reverent drunk a la Bogart's Richard Blaine, the swell of boisterous, Lite-swilling goofballs on drinking holidays can be vexing, to say the least. And they take up the pews - uh, I mean stools, that us regulars always, always claim when we arrive on normal visits.

It's rough watching amateur night at my favorite bars; if only 'amateur' still meant someone who does something out of the love of doing so. Perhaps they'd have learned something about drinking if they approached it that way. Inexperienced drinkers can be distracting at best and dangerous at worst - from their loss of spatial sense, indoor voice and personal boundaries to disregarding all the advice about getting behind the wheel while under the influence.

For those who want to enjoy drinking - who want to truly get good at it (as good as really is possible - I mean, seriously - drinking as a skill? Who could take the idea seriously, besides me and a few I know?), I would actually recommend drinking at home. If you want to drink on a holiday renowned for alcohol consumption, throw a party at your place and make sure you have enough room for people to crash. You're in a familiar place, with people you know, and if you or your guests aren't certain of their tolerance, spending the night there is your best option. It's safer. Besides, if you don't drive, more time to drink!

I also should lay out a few of my own ground rules for going to the bar. Proper reverence for a night out drinking and being merry starts with having a good idea of your tolerance. You do not want to blaspheme at the feet of the porcelain gods, as it were; or end up arrested for a DUI; or acquire the legit nickname of Duncan Drisorderly (I think there's a punk rocker who already goes by that anyway). Sure it rhymes, but it's no less true - beer before liquor, ever sicker; liquor before beer, never fear. If you arrived operating any motor vehicle with a steering apparatus (how you'd drive a GP30 to the bar**, I have no idea), you may even wish to avoid harder spirits altogether.

Once you start to feel it, stay calm. This might seem like a counterintuitive rule, but I grew up in a Presbyterian church and we're pretty placid in general, really. The last thing you want to do is get kicked out for being a drunken oaf, or piss off your fellow drinkers and the bartender. Just stay relaxed.

The last key rule is to tip well. You can tip every drink (i.e. 'keep the change') or wait until you head out, but never give a bartender a small tip. Be generous. You actually get better service when you tip well and regularly. Even better, thank the bartender as well. Sure, AC/DC says that money talks, but it's not really everything. A little human contact is always appreciated; bartenders are people first, not just alcohol dispensers.

I do have to admit that in the particular case of St. Patrick's Day, one detail that most people overlook, and does irk me, is some ignorance of the reason for wearing green. The symbolism of green does represent Irish republicanism, but all you have to do is look at the flag and learn why one-third is orange. Protestant followers of William III, King of England (who actually invaded England, deposed King James II, and won the crowns of England, Scotland and Ireland), took his heraldic color of orange as one of their symbols in the religious conflicts of the time. In the flag itself, green can be taken to symbolize Catholics, and as stated the orange represents the Protestant minority; with the white being an appeal for peace between the two factions. As for myself, I'm pretty sure there's no Irish ancestry in me, so if you ever spot a guy wearing a t-shirt with either the Scottish or Welsh flag, it's probably me.

I should probably get out of here before it gets any crazier, but I sure wish some of my fellow bar patrons would read this and take a few pointers with them. Maybe I'd be more inclined to hang out with them on the weekend, instead of having to be the only guy at the bar at the beginning of the week.

* The reaction is more aimed at 1) the blatant violation of Rules 1 and 2, 2) the fact that Astley is British rather than Irish - specifically a Lancashire lad, and 3) that there does in fact exist the possibility that someone here tonight may be a legit fan.

** In the UK, this becomes 'driving a Black 5 down to the pub'.

I'm Packing My Bags For The Misty Mountains

As of late I've been obsessively re-reading The Hobbit, The Lord of The Rings, and The Silmarillion. While beginning The Fellowship Of The Ring, I noticed a line that seemed out of place for Tolkien. It occurs during Bilbo's birthday party, in describing one of Gandalf's fireworks:

"Out flew a red-golden dragon - not life-size, but terribly life-like: fire came from his jaws, his eyes glared down; there was a roar, and he whizzed three times over the heads of the crowd. They all ducked, and many fell flat on their faces. The dragon passed like an express train, turned a somersault, and burst over Bywater with a deafening explosion."

As far as I can recall, this is the only simile Tolkien uses of an anachronistic nature. Whenever I read the line, it draws me out of the story ever so slightly, but it's not that big a quibble.

However, I'm not so excited about seeing the final installment of the Hobbit movies as the above may indicate. I was by and large pleased with An Unexpected Journey. At the time, my opinion on the changes made to the story were largely favorable.

One change in the overall story made this chapter for me: the flashback to the battle with Azog before the gates of Moria and the origin of Thorin's surname of Oakenshield. It's not in The Hobbit; rather, it's additional material included in the appendices to Lord Of The Rings, which are included after the conclusion in Return Of The King. Scenes of Gandalf, Elrond, Saruman and Galadriel debating their courses of action against The Necromancer - they make up the 'White Council' mentioned in Rings - helped give some sense of the epic scope of Tolkien's legendarium and linked the two trilogies. Bilbo's riddle game with Gollum was well and truly done. There was one pair of riddles exchanged that wasn't in the movie, but the omission seems to have harmed the movie little if at all.

I'll admit that the appearance of Radagast in both movies was a little bit on the goofy side, even though his introduction is also a setup for The Necromancer and the perils of Mirkwood. I guess I was also mostly comfortable with the addition of Azog as an additional antagonist pursuing Thorin and his companions, and I had figured that The Desolation Of Smaug would treat the story just as well. I wasn't as impressed.

One of the things that I missed was the introduction of the dwarves (as well as the wizard and hobbit) to Beorn. I liked how, in the original novel, Gandalf uses a clever tactic to open Beorn up to aiding the party. Instead of introducing everyone at once, Gandalf and Bilbo begin the introductions; and they continue with the dwarves coming two at a time, intentionally interrupting Gandalf's tale of their journey so far. This effectively keeps Beorn on the edge of his seat, and gradually opens up the idea of helping out so many of them. It also demonstrates Gandalf's wits to complement his wizardry, and that's why it's one of my own favorite events in the tale. That said, I was impressed with Gandalf's investigation into the return of Sauron, right until the reveal - and the somewhat cheesy Eye manifestation. Cutting that down to just a foreboding flash would have been less annoying and a bit more startling.

Also, one of my obsessive re-readings of Return Of The King took me into the appendices again. I was reminded that at the end of the battle before Moria, when Azog was defeated, he was beheaded by Dain Ironfoot - the same character that leads the dwarves in the Battle Of Five Armies - and his head placed on a pike before the gates. To a purist fan, the addition of Azog to the story involves an act of narrative necromancy (ironically enough) and would likely end up grating. I'm kind of unhappy with it myself. Since Bolg, alleged son of Azog, is the orc captain in the climactic battle, the writers could have used him instead. Revenge would not be an unreasonable motive for the crooked goblins of Middle-Earth.

I was interested by the glimpse we get of Bard - a well-rounded family man - and I was intrigued by the reinterpretation of the 'black arrow' as a bow-fired artillery dart instead of a typical arrow. That said, one of the most important parts of the climax, ostensibly to be seen in The Battle Of The Five Armies, is Bard's downing of Smaug. The plot thread of the hole in Smaug's gold-encrusted underbelly,  Bilbo's discovery of this fatal weakness, and the eavesdropping thrush passing the information to Bard at his last stand is supposed to be a key part of it. I guess this isn't necessary, with the apparent change to one loose scale in his hide as Smaug's weak point. The idea of a dragon who is wise to his one weakness - his soft underbelly - and does something about it - lying on the hoard so that the treasure embeds itself into his skin - is such a fantastical element and a treat for the imagination. I cannot fathom why nothing was made of it at all.

The two gripes I have that stick the hardest are the subplots concerning the elves and the social unrest in Esgaroth, and the overblown 'battle' between the dwarves and Smaug. To me, the subplots are unnecessary and therefore distracting. While I had expected a likely appearance by Legolas to visually connect the two trilogies, I wasn't enthralled by the Legolas-Tauriel-Kili love triangle. It simply felt like it didn't belong. Just a glimpse into Thranduil's realm would have been enough. That's all we get in the book. And we didn't need to see the spectre of class envy dragged into Esgaroth. It was all unnecessary talk, and added nothing to the core story, the one I paid nine bucks to see. The 'battle' was too implausible, even for a fantasy story; and it dragged on, no pun intended.

None of these additions came from Tolkien-authored source material, as far as I know. And Tolkien's story is what I'm missing. Somehow, Peter Jackson forgot how he made The Lord Of The Rings, and it shows in the prequel trilogy. I would have been happy with two movies, with truer additions and interpretations, and less fanfiction. So, yeah, maybe when this winter comes and the last movie comes out, I'll stay home and read the book instead. I'm sorely tempted to do so.

What's The Agenda, What Were You Thinking?

Just learned that Guided By Voices drummer Kevin Fennel was fired from the band before their fifth LP since the reunion. Apparently, Fennel put the drums he used on the landmark album Alien Lanes up for sale for about $55,000. Ok, nothing wrong with that, right?

Apparently not if you're Robert Pollard. The GBV lead fired Fennel from the band and derided him for using the GBV name and the use of the set on Alien Lanes as his key selling point. He also had a few choice words to say about Fennel's drumming skills, none of then supportive. Bob, I love the music but seriously, take a chill pill.

It's kind of silly for Pollard to be pissed at Fennel over this as firstly, they're Fennel's drums. He can do whatever he wants with them. Secondly, it's as though Pollard is trying to make the point that he and he alone is GBV, which he's said in the past (something that I find kind of big-headed, but ok he's the key songwriter, I can let it slide), but here it doesn't make much sense. Fennel is credited with the drum work on Alien Lanes, whatever Pollard might have to say about it.

If Pollard is unhappy about his bandmates riding on his coattails, I don't feel he's chosen a good battlefield this time. I think he's off base.

We Shield Our Eyes From The Police Lights

Not to rain on anyone's parade, but I'm pretty sure it's a better way to spend the evening listening to a Donnie Iris album (in your preferred format), as opposed to watching Real Policewomen Of Dallas or Beyond Scared Straight. When did other peoples' failures, dysfunctions, abuses and displays of outright lunacy become entertainment? What is happening to the concept of our own business? Are our problems really everyone else's problem too? I really don't think so.

This is a large part of why I don't watch television anymore. I look to entertainment and media to inspire, to educate, to relax, to get lost in. I don't want to endure the fuckwits I deal with in real life any longer than I have to - why would I then go home and feel even the slightest desire to see them on the boob tube?

One Day I Feel I'm Ahead Of The Wheel

This was actually published. This letter was actually published by the Valley News Dispatch on Monday, August 5.

That means that someone had to think these thoughts, write them down on paper or pixels, and then send them to the editor. 

Said editor surely read, proofread, and ruminated upon this submission and as a result decided it was worthy of publication. 

Somewhere along this chain of events, a failure of some sort of judgment certainly must have occurred. My evidence:

As a result, I am forced to make this formal reply to send to same editorial staff:

And by the way, here is my informal reply, composed (verbally) immediately after reading the original submission at top:

ARE YOU A FRICKIN' MORON!? YOU REALLY THINK THAT LOUD WARNINGS OF THE PRESENCE OF A VEHICLE AS FRICKIN' HUGE AS A TRAIN IS UNNECESSARY!? WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT THE ABSENCE OF LOCOMOTIVE WHISTLES WOULD EVER BE A GOOD IDEA!? WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOUR SENSE OF JUDGMENT!?

Ahem.

Cut It, Press It, Distribute It

Yes, I'm still on the vinyl kick. Here's what I'm looking for in new stuff.

Up From Below - Edward Sharpe And The Magnetic Zeroes*
Songs For Slim EP - The Replacements
Untamed Beast - Sallie Ford & The Sound Outside
Push The Sky Away - Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds
Port Of Morrow - The Shins
New Moon - The Men
Torches - Foster The People
The House That Dirt Built - The Heavy*
Kings Of Leon - Mechanical Bull

And just for the hell of it, I'm listing some of the classic stuff I'm also looking for.

3 - Gamma
Lights Out - UFO
Drums & Wires - XTC
King Cool - Donnie Iris
Crystal Logic - Manilla Road*

* I already have both of these albums in digital format, but a vinyl copy would be nice to have.

Last but not least, here's ALL OF THE ALBUMS I STILL HAVE TO LISTEN TO YET.

Black Moth Super Rainbow - Cobra Juicy (side 2)
Black Rebel Motorcycle Club - Howl (sides 3 and 4)
DJANGO DJANGO (sides 2, 3, and 4)
The Flaming Lips - The Terror
Foo Fighters - In Your Honor
Foo Fighters - Wasting Light (listened to MP3 copy)
Poliça - Give You The Ghost (side 2)
STEPHEN STILLS
Roger Miller - Golden Hits
ALDO NOVA (side 2)
Laura Branigan - Self Control
The Best Of Bread
Jimmy Buffett - Volcano (scratched as hell)
THE CARS (listened to CD)
Dave Clark Five - Greatest Hits
The Everly Brothers - 15 Everly Hits
Donnie Iris - Back On The Streets (side 2)
Donnie Iris - King Cool (wrong disc in sleeve)
Donnie Iris - The High And The Mighty (side 1, somehow)
Donnie Iris - Fortune 410 (sealed!)
Joan Jett - Bad Reputation (scratched as hell)
Billy Joel - 52nd Street (side 2)
Rod Stewart - Foot Loose & Fancy Free
Three Dog Night - Naturally
UFO - Phenomenon
The Who - Who's Next (listened to CD)
The Who - Who Are You
Neil Young - Journey Through The Past
Neil Young & Crazy Horse - Rust Never Sleeps (listened to CD)
Neil Young & Crazy Horse - Live Rust (listened to CD)
Neil Young & Crazy Horse - Re*Ac*Tor
Warren Zevon - A Quiet Normal Life (side 2)
John Cafferty And The Beaver Brown band - Eddie And The Cruisers Soundtrack
Chet Atkins - And His Guitar
Alabama - Feels So Right
Boxcar Willie - Sings Hank Williams And Jimmie Rodgers
The Best Of Conway & Loretta
Arlo Guthrie - Running Down The Road
Waylon Jennings - Just To Satisfy You
Kris Kristofferson - Who's To Bless And Who's To Blame
Willie Nelson - Phases & Stages
Willie Nelson & Family - Honeysuckle Rose Soundtrack
Willie Nelson - Always On My mind
Willie Nelson - Half Nelson
The Best Of Jerry Reed
The Best Of Charlie Rich
Two different Kenny Rogers Greatest Hits albums, somehow
22 Highballin' Hits! (sides 2, 3, and 4)
Songs With A Railroad Ring
Nat King Cole - Unforgettable
Nat King Cole - Love Is A Many Splendored Thing
Ray Eberle Plays Glenn Miller Favorites
Henry Mancini - Six Hours Past Sunset
Pieces Of A Dream - We Are One
Frank Sinatra - Ol' Blue Eyes Is back
The Mills Brothers - 14 Karat Gold
The Platters - Encore Of Golden Hits
The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly Motion picture Soundtrack

Shit, I better get listening. Don't even get me started on singles, by the way.

Who Wants To Be A Messenger?

Rhinestone shades, or cheap sunglasses? The 25 Most Memorable Sunglasses On Film

I normally prefer not to get into politics on the blog; but I am an Epiphone player, whom Gibson owns and this is not right. Op-ed Says Raid On Gibson Guitars Another Case Of Obama Targeting Conservatives

From TYWKIWDBI, something old (A Nice Memorial) and something new (Sunbathers Shelter Themselves From The Wind).

Also thanks to TYWKIWDBI, this:

One Mistake In A Subtle Way

So I'm eagerly anticipating the new release from the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Mosquito. I was trying to preorder via someone else's smartphone when I detoured into a Rolling Stone article about the album's art. Apparently, a number of longtime fans are upset about the packaging, since it's such a departure from the appearance of their first three albums. For context I'll post those here.

Fever To Tell: psychedelic graffiti/pastiche

Show Your Bones: the winning entry in a flag contest

It's Blitz!: really cool (and messy) photograph

So what does the new one look like? Here. Careful, it's from the realm of the bizarre.

Mosquito: WTF?

This is not the arty, hipster-charming aesthetic that we all know and love from YYYs. This is like a terrible cover to a terrible kids' movie. This is the cover to a Goosebumps novel that R. L. Stine wrote with a severe hangover. Perhaps it's appropriate in the way the title is appropriate, in that it may somehow reflect the music or the subject; but I really feel like this is a misstep on the order of Bob Dylan's Self-Portrait. And the brief preview of either a music video or a live show that is on their site has this worryingly Lady-Gaga's-evil-twin vibe to it and I can't explain it. 

What the hell, Yeah Yeah Yeahs? Did you guys stop being hipsters sell out or something?

If You See What I See, Bury Me

I just learned of the existence of a TV show called Repo Games. When did failure become a game show? Doesn't anyone else realize how horrible this is? Am I the only one who has realized it's time to grow up?

I'm never watching a thing on television that doesn't have Craig Ferguson in it from now on.

Why can't I get Sleigh Bells' 'Road To Hell' out of my head?

Give Me One Good Dose Of Thunder

Never thought I'd be as into music from the 90's as I am right now. Once upon a time I thought only Nirvana mattered; now I find they're not alone.

Take the album Bossanova by the Pixies, for example. Or listen to Bob Pollard shout 'HOT FREAKS' in your ear with GBV's Bee Thousand spinning. All surprisingly good stuff.

Meanwhile, I've been digging through the free vinyl at Dave's Music Mine on the South Side. Managed to get a hold of City to City - Gerry Rafferty; Blow by Blow - Jeff Beck; Tales Of Topographic Oceans - Yes; Feats Don't Fail Me Now - Little Feat.

These would all be cool if id hadn't turned out SOME HIPSTER swiped the discs out of Litttle Feat and sides one and two from Yes... That said I think my dad has Tales Of Topographical Oceans. I may steal it from him just to hear the disc. Incidentally, if anyone has a spare copy of sides one and two thereof, let me know; I'd like to have it to complete the album.

People Try To Put Us Down (And, Alarmingly, Are Succeeding)

But it's bad when it's one of our own.

Anyone heard Hilary Duff's cover of My Generation? I have.

I want to OLD SHAME now.

This song is absolute trash.

The worst bit is that I found myself liking it. And therein lies both the defenestrative motivation and a hint at what is wrong with music today. It appears to me that the market is flooded at the top (i.e. the hits and the most popular acts) commercial creations.

No, really. Boy bands? (Actually, most rock bands have, historically been mostly or wholly male. The term 'boy band', hopefully to become derisive, referring to N*SYNC and the Backstreet Boys, is limited to the pure pop sphere. At least I hope so.) They were put together to sell; I cannot imagine a boy band coming together in the way The Beatles or Electric Light Orchestra or even The White Stripes did (excepting the thankfully fictional Fingerbang, and no, that's not what it means, Cartman. Oh wait. It was Cartman's idea. Never mind). So have all these teen idols like Britney, Lindsay Lohan, Christina Aguilera, Duff, Hannah Montana (and her equally kid-friendly alter ego, Miley Cyrus), and the rest of them.

One of my biggset complaints is that virtually NONE of them write their own songs. Most of the bands I've really grown attached to were led by or had one or two good songwriters as members. Realize that you're reading a fan of Rush, Neil Young (and Crazy Horse, Stray Gators, International Harvesters, Buffalo Springfield), Creedence Clearwater Revival, Styx, and Billy Joel; whose songwriters are, respectively, Neil Peart, Neil Young (duh), John Fogerty, Dennis DeYoung and Tommy Shaw and James Young, and Billy Joel (again duh).

I am willing to go so far as to say that Neil Young is the greatest singer/songwriter of our time. He's always made his music the way HE wants to. It doesn't matter to him what other people think of his work; he's going to do something that he likes anyway. He may have rolled into the ditch (albums Time Fades Away, Tonight's The Night, and On The Beach) or flipped out completely (his Geffen contract-David Geffen actually sued Neil for making 'unrepresentative music) but whether he knows where he's going with something or not he does everything he can to get something he will want to show the world.

By contrast, most commercial music is made with the implicit goal of pleasing everybody. The motive is not to do spectacular or groundbreaking or truly emotionally captivating work; it's to sell vapid, worthless records and make money. It seems as though the record companies know this. It would explain why CD prices are still around $15-$20 per CD and all we hear in the top 40 are acts that can't really play playing for audiences that can't really listen. Record execs seem to prefer to rake in the cash rather than be known for picking talent. God forbid something truly amazing and mind-blowing like The Doors' and Led Zeppelin's debuts were back in the late 60's end up on the charts. Seriously. How in the hell could some random Britney single ever fucking well compare to Dazed And Confused (Led Zep) or Hey Hey My My (Into The Black) (Neil & the Horse) or even Have Love Will Travel by The Sonics? It can't.

There's one apparent member of the teen idol singer club I can't really be mad at; in fact, I'm not sure she belongs with the rest of them. For some reason, I'm tempted to lump Shakira in with the Britneys and Duffs and Cyrii that are clogging up the top ten lists, but I just can't bring myself to do so. Probably because she's not really pop, in the same vein as the former, from my point of view. I'm guessing, by virtue of liking Ojos Asi, that she's tapping into something different. That her musical backgroud is different also helps. There are Latin musical sounds mixed with Lebanese influences in Ojos Asi, instead of cookie-cutter pop fakery. And best of all, she's been writing songs since she was eight. Doesn't she also play an instrument or two? She stands out, instead of blending in; and that's one of the criteria by which I judge music. The harder it is to compare or describe something, the more likely it is that I'll like it. (Note: I just checked out her Wikipedia page and noticed that she's 31. [She's still hot.] I think her age lends her an extra point in my eyes for musical credibility.)

One of the ways to counter this deluge of drek is to support independent music. I'm not saying 'burn your Wolfmother CDs in the streets' (because Wolfmother is actually good); but rather find the places in your area that host local and regional bands, unsigned artists, and other random people with guitars (like whoever stole Sonic Youth's instruments back in the 80's, I'm assuming).

I don't usually like to rant and rage, but this needed it. It really did. Once a cover by someone who likes and respects the original artist makes it into the top 40, I'll be happy. I think it'd undo some of the damage Dillary Huff has done.

Thank god I had P.O. Box 9847 by The Monkees to recover with. (That's saying a lot, surprisingly. Even though The Monkees were a commercial product (hence the nickname 'Prefab Four'), they did some suprisingly good work-actually their album Pisces, Aquarius, Capricorn & Jones Ltd. was some of their best work in my opinion. Also they didn't really NEED Davy Jones, right? He was just eye candy. He played the freakin' tambourine. What The Monkees with just Dolenz, Tork and Nesmith could have done would have been very interesting to hear.)

Incidentally, xkcd.