Monster Hospital, Please Erase Me

Man, I bet these hand soap scents smell fantastic. I can't wait to smell 'Healthcare Personnel'!

No. 

Same As It Ever Was, Same As It Ever Was

Exactly the silliness you didn't know you needed today. 

And Then Along Came Jones

Saw this juxtaposition on my phone while browsing YouTube the other day. 

Hell of a coincidence...

Into The Navajo Amplifier, For Us To Hear And See

This is an awesome photograph and I can't put my finger on exactly why.

That said, for the actual history of this picture go here to the Smithsonian Institution Archives blog. 

Local Observer, With Binoculars (Peculiar)

What. 

I mean, that's actually cool in a very cheesy sort of way, but... what kind of nut would actually create this? 

(I probably would if I were that talented.)

The House Is A-Rockin', Don't Bother Knockin'

As seen at the new employer. 

The stick figure's quizzical expression makes this one special.

Flying Machines In Pieces On The Ground

Maybe I'm just being mean, but there's something I find endlessly amusing about this warning label I saw at work.

Right in the face!

Just as good is this one from my friend Mike. It's out of a power plant he did some contractor work at. At which he did some contractor work. 

Sproing, motherfucker!

Some Girls They Like Fried Green Tomatoes

Really? Fifteen years ago Kings' food was good. Not great, but good. Five years ago, it was kind of mediocre. These days it roils my stomach, and it all has the same aftertaste, which tastes like failure. I have no idea why my grandfather likes the place so much.

But this?

This is a new low. Is Kings' marketing department just whatever second-grade class is nearest? Is this an April Fools' prank that got lost in the shuffle until now? Why, oh why, does the placard say "Money Back Guaranteed" at the bottom? What a terrible restaurant. 

Turns People Into Clay, Radiation Minds Decay

So I've been looking for an apartment lately. Not with much seriousness, as I'm not exactly well-employed enough to merit finally moving out, but I'm trying to keep my eye on the field and see what's available for what price. To that end, I picked up one of those rental guide magazines they give away for free at the grocery store. Naturally, most of them turned out to be amenity-laden high-end properties that I will not likely afford anytime soon. Even so, one of them stood out to me. Can you spot the reason?

Note: I've removed their contact info being that this is not a commercial blog, it's just for my own fun. It shouldn't be hard to Google them if you're really interested in living there. Except Cranberry is kinda lame, to be honest.

So didja find it yet?

No?

Hint: look under the amenities section.

Yep, you read that right. 

You'll Shoot'em Down Because You're Waiting For Someone Good To Come On

So... the hosts of The Tonight Show have been, in order: 

Jack Paar

Johnny Carson

Jay Leno

and Jimmy Fallon.

Notice anything about that lineup?

All their first names begin with J!

Coincidence? I think not.

EDIT: I was informed that the first Tonight Show host was actually early TV comedian Steve Allen, and I had forgotten about Conan O'Brien's nine-month stint as host after Leno's first 'retirement'. So the theory may be Jossed. Let's wait twenty years and see who succeeds Fallon. 

Sunlight On Chrome, The Blur Of The Landscape

Of all places to find a friggin' Ferrari, Upper Burrell would not be high on my list!

Who You Jiving With That Cosmik Debris?

THIS IS THE LEAST EXPLAINABLE PICTURE EVER

Hangover Child, Til The Clock Runs Over

Q: What's a hipster's favorite kind of weather?

A: Post-cipitation!

Q: What noise does a hipster cow make?
A: "Meh..."

Q: What's the difference between farmers and hipsters?
A: Farmers can go a day without their Pitchfork.

Q: How much do hipsters weigh, on average?
A: An Instagram.

Q: How many hipsters does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Y'know, the corner bar has working lights. Let's go get wasted.

Q: Where was the body of the drowned hipster found?
A: Floating in the mainstream.

Q: What's a hipster's favorite place in the whole world?
A: Not where they are. 

He Says "What You Want This Time?"

Whiskey is liquid sunshine.

-George Bernard Shaw

I like to get hammered on Friday night
Sometimes I can't wait so Monday's all right

-Neil Young

'Mixologist' is a stupidly unnecessary word. 'Bartender' got along just fine for decades without any help, thank you very much - excepting the bouncer, of course.

-Unknown

...the solution doesn't involve watering down my every little idea and creative impulse for the sake of someday easing my fit into a mold...this is very important, so I want to say it as clearly as I can: FUCK. THAT. SHIT.

-xkcd

I've waited too long to have you hide in the back of me
I've cheated so much I wonder how you keep track of me

-Guided By Voices

He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.

-Sir Winston Churchill

Maj. Strasser: What is your nationality?
Rick: I'm a drunkard.
Capt. Renault: That makes Rick a citizen of the world...

-from Casablanca

Alcohol is no different from a guitar amplifier - it just makes the music in your head louder.

-Unknown

I ain't seen my baby since I don't know when
I been drinking bourbon whiskey, scotch and gin

-George Thorogood And The Destroyers

I drank to drown my sorrows, but the damned things learned how to swim.

-Frida Kahlo

There is nothing dangerous about the merely mundane. It is just a kind of emptiness...

-Enklinobarangus

I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

-from Harry Potter And The Prisoner Of Azkaban

I've been sittin' here drinkin'
I'm just as lonesome as a man can be

-Muddy Waters

Lord Hinjo: Nothing says 'Condolences on the loss of your uncle' like a ninja death squad in the night.

-from Order Of The Stick

You pour six jiggers of gin into a glass and then you drink it while staring at a picture of Lorenzo Schwartz, the inventor of vermouth.

-'Hawkeye' Pierce

All good drinkers write. 

-Unknown

She's whiskey in a teacup
She gives blondes a lousy name

-Tom Waits

Thanks to Whiskey & Misanthropy for the inspiration.

The Boys Are Back In Town

This sounds like a joke. To most comics readers, the premise of Archie Andrews and Frank Castle sharing space in the same comic - the same story! - sounds like a complete farce. One of the most violent anti-heroes in comics' history with the most wholesome teenager ever? Get real. Besides, Punisher's a Marvel character, and Archie has his own eponymous publisher. They'd never come to an agreement that would let this be printed, right?

It exists.

As the editor's pages clearly state, it began as a joke, but by the summer of 1994, Batton Lash, Jon Buscema, and Stan Goldberg had created the world's most bizarre comics crossover. The plot followed the Punisher, hot on the heels of an East Coast drug dealer known as 'Red'. The kicker is that 'Red's description is a match for everyone's favorite average teenager Archie Andrews - and the trail leads straight to Riverdale. (Hijinks ensue.)

If you still think I'm making this up, I can assure you I'm not.

Look out behind you, Frank! It's a teenager!

I own the damn thing. I ended up getting the Archie-printed cover, and until recently I didn't even know that there was a second, Marvel variant cover.

Apparently, this led to a minor trope of Archie crossovers, including meeting the Predator, KISS, the cast of Glee (which does make some sense), the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Archie Comics now owns the license to the current TMNT comics), and Jason of the Friday The 13th film franchise (under the title Archie at Crystal Lake). Better yet, while doing some reading, I found reference to other crossovers such as The Punisher Meets Eminem, an issue of The Avengers where the eponymous team appears on The Late Show with David Letterman, Superman Vs. Popeye, Groo The Wanderer Vs. Conan, and of all things, Superman and the Nesquik Bunny.

And I thought Archie Meets The Punisher was a spoof.

Somewhere On A Desert Highway, She Rides A Harley-Davidson

"She was wearing a cowboy hat."

"Was she wearing anything else?"

"I don't know."

Your Own Private Idaho

Tautologies are their own reward.

Snapshot Image Froze Without A Sound

As an aside, I should explain something about my photography approach in case I end up posting photos focused on people.

I'm used to photographing trains.

There's no way to pose a moving freight train exactly where you want it; it's more of a challenge of geography and timing and initiative. It's what I call the 'shoot what's really there' approach, with the resulting documentary atmosphere. No preparation, no touch-up, not even clearing the weeds, Lance. As soon as an interesting subject is found, I shoot as I find and move on. I also have a preoccupation with taking a good image, regardless of subject.

As a result, I suck at photographing people. I find myself trying to take the same approach as I do in railfan photography, and I top out at the level of candid photographs. I end up freezing their image as they are, rather than when they're ready to present themselves. There's not much preparation that twenty thousand tons of steel and cargo moving at fifty miles per hour can do to 'smile for the camera', in comparison. Taking photos in this manner could be off-putting for some people, I've since realized. It might be that my method presumes a familiarity with the people in the viewfinder that I may not really have, catching them in such casual (perhaps intimate?) moments.

It reminds one of the stories of African tribespeople who thought that a photo taken of them would steal part of their soul. Maybe there's something to that.

Here Comes Your 19th Nervous Breakdown

It's been a long couple of weeks. I need something to make me laugh, don't you?

(Settle in. You might be here a while. It's been a VERY LONG couple of weeks.)

I feel much better, don't you? Don't you!? DON'T YOU!?

Found My Way Downstairs And Drank A Cup

Finally got vitamins today. Guess what I decided to take one with?

An energy drink.

Healthiest thing I ever did.

Looks like it may be a few days before getting to go down to the city and check out the duck, among other things. Was hoping for a record store day with Matt and Jeremy, but Jeremy had plans and all of a sudden Matt and I may as well. Johnathan called us to ask if we might be free for a railfan trip. Considering that it's been a while since the last one, this might be the better option.

Deciding on switching to smoking a pipe. I used to enjoy cigarettes, but you might say that all the pleasure has somehow been sucked right out of them (as it were). Besides, pipe tobacco seems more interesting and the government hasn't yet arbitrarily banned flavored pipe tobaccos or cigars.

Trying to listen through my backlog of vinyl. I've decided to listen to an album a night until I can say I'm reasonably caught up. Just listened to the first two sides of Django Django and side two of Emerson, Lake & Palmer. It's a night for self-titling, I guess.

And now I'd better get something that resembles rest.

EDIT: By the way, I just found out, when I went to post the requisite link to the new post on Facebook, that Sleigh Bells has a new album out. It's titled, appropriately, Bitter Rivals. Must investigate.