Mom And Pop They Raised Her On Huge Slabs Of Meat

Number four was kind of a pleasant surprise. Number one? Oughta be obvious! Pittsburgh's All-Time Favorite DJs: Here Are The Top 10

I admit it, puns are my favorite form of humor. I once thought up ten to submit to a joke contest, hoping at least one might place, but no pun in ten did. Someone In Colorado Is Putting Up The Funniest Signs Ever…

These are freakin' cool. Much nicer than the gumband pistol I had as a kid. Elastic Precision - Fully Loaded Fun

It's unfortunate. WPXI: South Side music store set to close later this spring

And dig this insanely vintage commercial for Monroeville Mall!

One Day I Feel I'm Ahead Of The Wheel

This was actually published. This letter was actually published by the Valley News Dispatch on Monday, August 5.

That means that someone had to think these thoughts, write them down on paper or pixels, and then send them to the editor. 

Said editor surely read, proofread, and ruminated upon this submission and as a result decided it was worthy of publication. 

Somewhere along this chain of events, a failure of some sort of judgment certainly must have occurred. My evidence:

As a result, I am forced to make this formal reply to send to same editorial staff:

And by the way, here is my informal reply, composed (verbally) immediately after reading the original submission at top:

ARE YOU A FRICKIN' MORON!? YOU REALLY THINK THAT LOUD WARNINGS OF THE PRESENCE OF A VEHICLE AS FRICKIN' HUGE AS A TRAIN IS UNNECESSARY!? WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT THE ABSENCE OF LOCOMOTIVE WHISTLES WOULD EVER BE A GOOD IDEA!? WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOUR SENSE OF JUDGMENT!?

Ahem.