Tuesday, April 7, 2015

Questions, Questions I Can't Answer

Maybe you can help me with these. I'm at a loss.

What is that spice you find every once in a while in certain brands of pepperoni that tastes like licorice?

Hey, Colin Meloy - what is Decemberism, anyway?

What would happen if, instead of anesthetic, you were given a synesthetic before surgery?

Who else has the irresistible urge to pronounce the frequently asked questions page (FAQ) as 'fuck you'?

Is Husker Du considered heavy metal? I can't tell just from listening.

Whenever I watch one of the new Star Trek movies, why do I keep wanting to call Lieutenant Uhura 'Princess Uhura'?

How come every time I say something crazy, people take it to mean I'm normal? (Or, by what standard do they judge such outbursts?)

Why does my job give me heartburn? (It's not like I'm eating it. [Oh, wait, I know the answer to this one.])

Thursday, April 2, 2015

He Says "What You Want This Time?"

Whiskey is liquid sunshine.
-George Bernard Shaw

I like to get hammered on Friday night
Sometimes I can't wait so Monday's all right

'Mixologist' is a stupidly unnecessary word. 'Bartender' got along just fine for decades without any help, thank you very much - excepting the bouncer, of course.

...the solution doesn't involve watering down my every little idea and creative impulse for the sake of someday easing my fit into a mold...this is very important, so I want to say it as clearly as I can: FUCK. THAT. SHIT.

I've waited too long to have you hide in the back of me
I've cheated so much I wonder how you keep track of me

He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
-Sir Winston Churchill

Maj. Strasser: What is your nationality?
Rick: I'm a drunkard.
Capt. Renault: That makes Rick a citizen of the world...
-from Casablanca

Alcohol is no different from a guitar amplifier - it just makes the music in your head louder.

I ain't seen my baby since I don't know when
I been drinking bourbon whiskey, scotch and gin

I drank to drown my sorrows, but the damned things learned how to swim.
-Frida Kahlo

There is nothing dangerous about the merely mundane. It is just a kind of emptiness...

I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.
-from Harry Potter And The Prisoner Of Azkaban

I've been sittin' here drinkin'
I'm just as lonesome as a man can be

Lord Hinjo: Nothing says 'Condolences on the loss of your uncle' like a ninja death squad in the night.

You pour six jiggers of gin into a glass and then you drink it while staring at a picture of Lorenzo Schwartz, the inventor of vermouth.
-'Hawkeye' Pierce

All good drinkers write. 

She's whiskey in a teacup
She gives blondes a lousy name
Thanks to Whiskey & Misanthropy for the inspiration.