Tuesday, January 30, 2018

All Around The World I've Been Looking For A New

WOR(L)D ASSOCIATION TIME!

Canadian:
bacon

British:
sketch comedy

Scottish:
whisky

Welsh:
coal

Irish:
either whiskey or writers (possibly both at the same time)

French:
resistance

German:
philosophers*

Spanish:
reconquista (suck it, terrorists)

Portuguese:
explorers

Italian:
food

Swiss:
neutrality**

Belgian:
waffles

Nordic:
Trac

Swedish:
murder mysteries

Finnish:
folk metal

Austrian:
arch-dukes

Greek:
more philosophers

Polish:
look, if it weren't for pierogi, Pittsburgh would have half-starved by now

Russian:
fighter jets

Czechoslovakian:
communists

Romanian:
more communists

Bulgarian:
even more communists

Yugoslavian:
different communists

Latvian:
again with the communists

Lithuanian:
shit, i dunno, communists, i guess?

Slovenian:
railfans***

Estonian:
more folk metal

Belorussian:
Really? That's the adjectival form of Belarus? It looks too much like... well, y'know, Russian. Who decides this crap?

Ukranian:
sovereignty

Turkish:
coffee

Syrian:
bread

Lebanese:
actors

Israeli:
self-defense

Egyptian:
walking

Libyan:
terrorism

Tunisian:
Carthage used to be here. Then Rome fucked their shit up. Also George S. Patton was there. Twice, actually.

Algerian:
desert

Moroccan:
Fun Fact: Casablanca, the greatest movie of all time, was set there.

Mexican:
tacos, burritos, chimichangas, etc.

Okay, I'm done.

* With the exceptions of Hegel, Heidegger, and Wittgenstein. Utterly clueless, that lot.
** Cheese was a close second.
*** Okay, half-Slovenian. On his dad's side. Hi Matt.

Wednesday, October 18, 2017

Up In Your Arms, Too Late To Beg You

Okay, so one morning last winter, my sister needed a hand cleaning her pet bunny's cage. She asked me to hold Nittany for a few minutes. In the immortal words of Jeremy Clarkson, "What could possibly go wrong?"

Well, this.


One minute Nitt is sitting in my arms calm as can be, and the next she's up on my shoulders! Then again, she's always liked to do that. Hence Brie's former Facebook profile image below. Yarr. 


(As an aside, the title lyrics are from 'The Killing Moon' by Echo & the Bunnymen, hence Brie naming her first bunny Echo.) 

Monday, December 26, 2016

My Mazerati Does 185, I Lost My License And Now I Don't Drive

I hope everyone had a good Christmas holiday! This was one of my better ones. I got a Ferrari LaFerrari and a McLaren P1.

That's a bit misleading. They're built out of Legos. But still! They're neat little models, for minifig-scale supercars. Lego has a new theme called Speed Champions (which the Ferrari and McLaren belong to) that's actually pretty nice. All the cars are real, and very good likenesses for the size and using preexisting Lego pieces. I learned about it by stopping into a Toys 'R Us with my sister's friends one day; they had the Ford Mustang GT, and I liked the look of it enough to say hell with it and pick it up. I've built the LaFerrari already and it was a pretty clever build.

But while building it, I noticed something interesting on the back of the second (yes, there's enough steps involded that the LaFerrari needs two booklets) manual. Look at the lineup of the three cars - middle row, right side.

Ha ha! All the engine blocks are the same size! Get it? GET IT!?
They are, from left to right, the Lego versions of the Porsche 918, the McLaren P1, and the Ferrari LaFerrari. Hmmm... Where have I seen such a lineup before?




Oh. Right. 

Yes, Clarkson, May, and Hammond were working on an epic shootout between these three incredible cars on the Top Gear track, but as Ferrari and McLaren were coming around to the idea, Clarkson was booted and May and Hammond elected to follow. As they have a new show of their own on Amazon TV called The Grand Tour, I'm told they managed to organize the competition in their first episode. Still haven't seen it, or have any idea which car won. Even so... 

Tuesday, September 13, 2016

Flying Machines In Pieces On The Ground

Maybe I'm just being mean, but there's something I find endlessly amusing about this warning label I saw at work.


Right in the face!

Just as good is this one from my friend Mike. It's out of a power plant he did some contractor work at. At which he did some contractor work. 


Sproing, motherfucker!

She Spread Her Wings, And Then She Was Gone

Various times and places. 

I've no idea what possessed me to assemble this collection. 





















Friday, July 8, 2016

Some Girls They Like Fried Green Tomatoes

Really? Fifteen years ago Kings' food was good. Not great, but good. Five years ago, it was kind of mediocre. These days it roils my stomach, and it all has the same aftertaste, which tastes like failure. I have no idea why my grandfather likes the place so much.

But this?


This is a new low. Is Kings' marketing department just whatever second-grade class is nearest? Is this an April Fools' prank that got lost in the shuffle until now? Why, oh why, does the placard say "Money Back Guaranteed" at the bottom? What a terrible restaurant.